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As a straight man, I actively strive to educate women on the distinction between women’s rights and radical feminism. That’s where I begin. I say there is a difference. My writing often delves into modern dating issues. Today, we will explore the male perspective on what is amiss in today’s men. This is a question that heterosexual women frequently pose. Many contemporary women lament the disappearance of polite gentlemen, leaving behind a swarm of uncaring and uncouth individuals who lack empathy regarding dating. Let’s try to get some answers. Before proceeding, it is crucial to acknowledge that many mainstream institutions are actively attempting to exclude black men from this conversation.
Racism has reemerged in a revamped form, with a targeted effort to diminish the influence of black men. You will observe this in areas such as music and cultural trends. Today, there are subtle but intentional efforts to discredit genres like hip-hop, R&B, and Afrobeat. We see the same with popular black fashion styles. The image of the modern black man is suddenly facing an onslaught. But in this discourse, I will speak from the perspective of men from all backgrounds. Our goal is to uncover the answer to this question: where have all the decent, traditional men gone? To start, it is common knowledge that heterosexual women (who are single or unmarried) are only interested in a small percentage of men.
They have specific requirements for height, income, behavior, and physical appearance that eliminate the majority of men from their consideration as romantic partners. Similarly, men also have a process of elimination where they exclude promiscuous women, gold diggers, and overweight and independent women from their options. However, heartbreak arises when men engage in sexual congress with these rejected women, only to later discard them as unworthy of being in a serious relationship. Nevertheless, there are other behaviors (heterosexual men do) that can make women uneasy after feeling disrespected regarding romantic interactions between heterosexual men and women. Let’s talk about them.
Behaviors, such as invading personal space without consent or not taking no for an answer, can come across as “creepy” or “crude.” So is a lack of social awareness, respect, or consideration. Most women may feel uncomfortable or violated when someone invades their personal space. Or boisterous men who persist after declining advances or requests and disregard their autonomy. Some men often objectify women by crudely commenting on their appearance, such as “Check out those tits” or “Did you see the ass on that girl?” These comments excessively focus on a woman’s physical features. The manner is sexual. The behavior includes catcalling, inappropriate jokes, or lewd remarks.
It’s tricky since many men are visually driven. Women tend to avoid men who solely focus on their physical attributes. When men interact with women exclusively based on their looks, it can imply that they only value women for their physical characteristics, disregarding their choices, personalities, or accomplishments. Many men are overly direct to avoid being placed in the friend zone. Their goal is to create a romantic atmosphere to prevent any misunderstandings. However, diving into conversations with overly sexual comments, asking for explicit photos, calling excessively, or giving intense compliments, especially early on, can make women feel uneasy. It can also show a lack of social boundaries.
There have been reports of gentlemen who also gaze awkwardly, fixating on a woman’s hips or neck without engaging in proper conversation. This behavior can be unsettling and “creepy,” as it suggests a desire to objectify or an inability to communicate his desires effectively. Many women have raised numerous complaints regarding a variety of issues. These include inappropriate and offensive language, often used by men perceived as rude or rebellious, especially when such behavior is unacceptable. Those who have progressed to the second date have been found to engage in negative discussions about their past relationships and sexual exploits, which can be seen as insensitive and discourteous.
Even those who have yet to land a proper date struggle with excessive flirting and pursuit. Their flirtatious behavior often crosses the line, earning them the label of “creepy.” Moreover, their dominating conversational style compounds the problem as they interrupt, talk over, or ignore the woman, giving off an air of dismissiveness and self-centeredness. The possibilities regarding negative behavior are endless. From insincere flattery, where the player doles out forced compliments solely focused on appearance, to a transactional mindset, where interactions are seen as a means to an end, often resulting in manipulative behavior such as expecting something in return for a compliment, favor, or gift.
Then there is the constant self-promotion, where the player or horned dog boasts about their wealth, achievements, and material possessions. That behavior portrays all men as self-absorbed and oblivious to social dynamics. This is ironic because most women are hypergamous by nature. Additionally, players often disregard a woman’s interests by showing little curiosity or respect for her as an individual. They ignore what she says or neglect to ask her the right questions. That then signals a lack of genuine interest or regard for her outside of sex. When men expect attention from women, assuming it is owed to them due to their interests or gestures, it can be seen as presumptuous and entitled.
These MEN may resort to manipulative tactics such as guilt or pressure to obtain the woman’s time, attention, or affection. That can make all men appear untrustworthy. Such behaviors typically stem from a lack of empathy, social awareness, or respect. Therefore, being respectful, communicative, and considerate of feelings is crucial of boundaries to establishing genuine and positive connections. The act of ghosting encompasses all of the issues above. Sometimes, a man may have an on-and-off relationship with a significant other, whom he places above all else. He may be avoiding something. While it is commonly believed that women originated ghosting, men have now mastered this tactic.
Perhaps the man is preoccupied with a crucial project. Or he may only be partially interested in the woman based on her physical appearance despite her unfavorable qualities. He may desire a sexual encounter without any commitment to a relationship. When a man ghosts, it could be due to financial unpreparedness, marriage, or a lack of interest. Unfortunately, to avoid ghosting, the woman must subsidize financially, agree to be the mistress, or compromise any shortcomings on his part. Another common concern among women is the existence of double standards. Despite claiming to be a “Muslim” (for example), he asked her early on if she enjoyed self-pleasure. He may consider himself a conscious rapper (like myself), yet includes lyrics about receiving oral sex in his car alongside those addressing police brutality.
The underlying question remains the same: where are all the good MEN? By creating a sexual atmosphere, he is attempting to claim the woman. However, this situation can be complicated as she may fear he would use and discard her. She wants to be sure of his genuine interest. Also, she wants to ensure he won’t leave after she becomes intimate. She needs to reassure the man that she’s there to stay. In all honesty, I am addressing some of the most crucial inquiries women have in the dating world. One of them is why the majority of men state on their dating profiles that they desire a long-term relationship, but as soon as they match with a woman, their first topic of conversation is sex.
Most men avoid the friend zone. They are not looking for a friend. Some women will engage in lengthy discussions with men. They suddenly go silent when they discover something they don’t like about the man. Men have devised a tactic of preemptively bringing up uncomfortable topics to save time. By doing so, if a woman disconnects early on, it’s easier for the man to move on to other options. He avoids her stringing him along for months. He may then regret ignoring a potentially promising prospect. So, he will rattle her cage to see if she runs. Next comes the man who incessantly texts. There could be various underlying reasons for this behavior. One possibility is that he may be unfaithful.
