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This narrative is my interpretation of the guarded romance between performers in the world of the performing arts. It’s an exploration of romantic privacy (for some celebrities) in the public eye. Following the devastating and unexpected passing of beloved brother and Grammy-nominated artist and actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner, this reflection on privacy in the public eye examines some of the negative impacts of charisma and popularity on career success. As an admirer who has never had the privilege of his acquaintance, I offer my perspective through the lens of my own experiences, preempting any misconstrual of my heartfelt observations.
Warner’s choice to shield his wife and daughter from the public eye compels me to explore the potential motivations behind this deliberate seclusion. As a fellow performer myself, I empathize with his desire for familial privacy, extending this sentiment to my own life. For years, I’ve consciously avoided direct fan engagement in promoting my work. That was because I learned earlier on that not everyone seeks my best interest. Many people wish for the opposite. Initially, I believed naively that everyone would mind their own business and stay out of mine. Boy, was I wrong! Some people appoint themselves as decision-makers.
I can’t kill everyone! My approach to dating is purposeful. From the outset, my interactions are grounded in the aspiration of a long-term, committed relationship or marriage. Every text, every call, every conversation with the woman I’m attempting to court holds the implicit understanding that I’m assessing her suitability as a life partner. And every failure or breakup is a loss of that opportunity. Naturally, I wouldn’t reveal this upfront. A courtship—a period of discovery, intimacy, and shared vision—must precede explicit discussions of matrimony. But my intention, as a man sharing the aspirations of many, is unequivocally marriage and family.
This underlying intention is what shapes every romance I pursue. I also want to clarify that I’m uninterested in side chicks, casual liaisons, ambiguous sexual interractions, or transactional arrangements. Sure! I value intimacy with a sexy woman. The immediacy of said intimacy (French kissing, fondling, foreplay, sex) enhances her appeal in my mind. However, intimacy (with me) requires conditions and responsibilities. Before engaging in any sexual activity, I expect my lover to be free of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). She should have recently abstained from sexual activities with other men. And she has been selective with sexual partners.
After intimacy, our exclusivity is non-negotiable. That’s the bedrock of our connection. Our relationship must be strictly monogamous. I should have full and unquestioned access to her, and her sexual past should be respectable. Now, with that being said, my romantic opportunities, particularly those with potential to lead to a long-term commitment that ends in marriage, consistently gravitate towards women of high social standing. Their backgrounds are often characterized by high status and influence, with parents holding prominent positions, such as CEO, esteemed academic, high-ranking government official, or celebrated public figure.
These are beautiful and classy women from privileged spheres. They received their education at elite institutions, such as Columbia, Princeton, or Cambridge. Their lineage and upbringing reflect the life of the upper class of their community. This unexpected status, I’ve observed, has characterized the MAJORITY (not all) of my serious relationships. Most of the time, these women seek me out. For example, I receive a call out of the blue, inviting me to a gathering. The woman who had already developed an interest in me would be there. Through conversation and body language, I would get the hint, and the rest would become history.
However, dating (as a performer) unleashes a torrent of unforeseen envy. Particularly when it comes to how much she loves you. Your amiable nature, heart brimming with generosity, becomes a lightning rod for resentment. It comes from people you wouldn’t expect. This animosity doesn’t come from strangers. Nah! It manifests in rejections from a surprisingly broad spectrum of people — family members, close friends, even casual acquaintances. Their spiteful machinations involve petty comparisons. Suddenly, previously unassuming relatives or companions claim comparable, if not superior, boasting of an equally prominent lover.
That’s as if your love life is their business. If you ever find yourself in this awkward position, be prepared for a deluge of unwarranted negativity from those you’d assumed would celebrate you. Ironically, attempts to appease such detractors will only fuel their vitriol. Expect them to minimize your achievements and dismiss your relationship as inconsequential. They will say it’s no big deal that your partner is a doctor. This campaign will extend to sabotaging both your career and your love life. It will involve manipulating mutual acquaintances and sowing discord. They will actively dissuade your cherished partner from continuing the relationship.
My haters have gone searching for dirt at the county clerk’s office in my hometown in New Jersey. They called to inquire about my criminal record, and a clerk—who was a friend from university—contacted me to ask why people were making such inquiries. When they couldn’t find any real dirt, these detractors resorted to inventing false stories and spreading them as rumors. They’ve made calls to immigration and border agencies, trying to set traps to detain or arrest me based on false tips they provided. Often, I would arrive to find a swarm of officers ready to search me, inspect my car, and interrogate me. They didn’t know it was all because of a hater.
Drawing from experience, I can tell you this. Driven by malice and an inability to tolerate your happiness, haters will resort to dark practices — casting black spells and repeatedly performing witchcraft rituals designed to sow discord and strife within your relationship. Their aim is brutal: to destroy your relationship at all costs. I’ve firsthand experienced this malevolence. In one instance, my involvement with an ambassador’s daughter prompted my uncle to intervene directly, urging the ambassador to sever our connection. He fabricated justifications, painting me as utterly unsuitable. You think he’d be proud of his nephew, right?
In another episode, my romance with the daughter of a prominent parliamentarian triggered a campaign of relentless slandering. Detractors, ignoring my financial status, maliciously propagated falsehoods, portraying this lover as my financial benefactor. Motivated by malice, spite, and resentment, these people will also mimic your actions, aesthetics, and your successes. They twist reality to mirror your love life, undermining it. I’ve witnessed some so-called friends morph into reflections of myself—a disconcerting similarity born of bitterness. They approach me with the “I’m better than you” or “I can do it too” energy, all because of my lover.
The hater’s rage-filled opposition ranges from pointedly withholding felicitations to completely disregarding my accomplishments, a pattern of deliberate invalidation. Consequently, I learned to be fiercely secretive of my professional alliances, business prospects, and love life. Having observed the ruthless efficiency with which these haters manipulate circumstances to fracture valued bonds, smear good reputations, and obstruct progress, I’ve chosen the path of strategic silence. I often saw an ex orbiting me when I entered a new relationship. We hadn’t been romantic or intimate for a long time, as the emotional ties gradually faded.
Some exes linger, giving off the vibe of infidelity, making it seem like you still have one foot in the door. Adding the need to exclude the public eye complicates the narrative, as your new lover might not understand this situation. It requires you to prove your intentions of faithfulness and commitment repeatedly. That then creates more friction with the ex, potentially leading to her hostility and an alliance with your haters and detractors, who aim desperately to sabotage your new, promising relationship. That’s a lot of drama for a performer who needs to focus on their craft while nurturing what they hope will be their last love story, like a final train to Paris.
Malcolm-Jamal Warner’s deliberate shielding of his beloved family from public scrutiny prompts considerable contemplation from my perspective. My own experiences as a striving independent artist and author pale in comparison to his legendary stature, yet reveal the challenges. One can only fathom the pressures and vulnerabilities borne by an A-list celebrity. However, as Rod Stewart eloquently sang, fortune undeniably favors some (Some Guys Have All The Luck). Others bask in the limelight, showered with adoration and accolades for momentous occasions—be it a prominent romantic relationship, family milestones, or lucrative professional triumphs. If you are not one of the lucky ones, you may want to consider prioritizing your privacy.
