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Yes, ladies, this one is not for you. It’s strictly for the fellas! Game recognize game, but you’ve got to be in it to win it. So, guys, here I go with some tips. We all know how it works today. The good old days when daddy ran the home with a side chick has almost entirely evaporated. You know, the girl he would take you to see when you are around eight years old. Then bribe you with whatever, so you don’t yap it to mommy.
Now the Cosmopolitan gives more relationship advice than the local Priest, Rabbi and Imam combined “
You can thank Oprah Winfrey. Well, not entirely but onscreen tutors like Dr. Phil or Wendy Williams have promoted the one man/one woman approach. They often enlighten inexperienced women against Player presidents like yourself. Damn it! What happened to the time when Big Mama was the relationship adviser? Now the Cosmopolitan gives more dating advice than the local Priest, Rabbi and Imam combined. Yikes! If you’re talking to a lady, before she met your lying and cheating no Talk Show watching self, the media has already her how to deal with you.
That outfit that gives you a clear glimpse of her curvy body is just enough to tempt you.”
When it comes to courtship, a man should always define his wants by “guy rules.” You’ll have to watch out for feminism, though. Kick yourself, fellas; women do give a damn! They want you to fornicate with them especially if they can control it but also know that they don’t care who you are. Only if you’re married, then you [not them] are wrong for philandering.
Women have rules. They don’t make it easy. Whether you’re married or not their CoverGirl, anti-aging creams, perfume, or catwalk will never keep your eyes from wandering. That outfit that gives you a clear glimpse of her curvy body is just enough to tempt you. Not to mention, the appeal of collagen, Botox, breast, and butt implants, pilates, yoga, weave, and wigs. Gosh! You’re damned if you want them but damned if she doesn’t.
Yeah you heard me, I said lease brother. Money can’t buy love
but it can certainly lease a beauty queen.”
Nowadays, your date is no longer just a chick on your arm. You’re no longer leader or protector. But still, you must earn your keep. I mean real money. My advice? Stack a lot of loot because you’re going to need it to lease your way through romance at least until you find love. Yes, you heard me, I declared the lease. Money cannot buy love, but it can rent lust.
You might want to get a big boy whip, a castle someplace where the neighbors won’t call the police and access to exclusive functions if you’re looking for a beautiful woman, who is not going to mind that you’re just like your daddy. Okay, I’m just kidding, money isn’t everything and sex is not all there is. I wanted to wind you up a bit. Check out my top ten sexy celebs and let me know what you think about my preference?
THE LIST
She’s not a certified gold digger but she won’t date you if you’re dead. Haha!”
10] KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN: You guessed it, Kim Kardashian’s big sister. You’ve probably seen her reality TV Show. I don’t mean “Keeping Up with The Kardashians,” I mean the one with her sister Khloe called, “Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami.” She’s not a certified gold digger, but she won’t date you if you’re dead. Haha! This girl wears a few business hats. You had better have one. She’s the perfect girl to show up at a star-studded event with [on your arm of course]. I like my woman dark skinned or tanned, with a beautiful face and a whole lot of curves.
She knows how to be sexy, and if she’s in your contacts,
your stock blows through the roof!”
9] LOLA MONROE: I know what you’re thinking. I put this goddess on my list because she’s a smoking hot Ethiopian! Who doesn’t want her? Angel Luv is “wife” material! She knows how to be sexy, and if she’s in your contacts, your stock blows through the roof! If you’re going to pay, why not spend for quality? Career-wise, she’s been in over fifteen music videos, working with Trey Songz, Young Buck, Busta Rhymes, Kanye West, 50 Cent, Ludacris, Jeezy, etc. She’s one rapper you won’t mind bringing home to Big Mama even though you know damn well that she won’t approve of your lust for Lola. You won’t give a shit either. This lady is useful to you, so let’s move on!
Yes, she started out as a model, but I have heard that this Nebraska girl has a UCLA degree in Sociology!”
8] GABRIELLE UNION: When we speak of a charming personality, you have to agree with me, this girl can get you sprung. Ask Dwayne Wade. Yes, she started out as a model, but I have heard that this Nebraska girl has a UCLA degree in Sociology! She’s fantastic, smart and educated?! Those qualities are a combination your mom won’t expect you to attract. Her smoking hot body and beautiful face will pull you in but can you hang with the sophistication in this total package? Got to step that game up if, for some unplanned explanation, you were to convince someone to beg Gabrielle Union to come out on a date with you. Fantasies are a mother!
I feel you but I already told you man, I like em curvy.
In my book, she is up for grabs.”
7] TOCCARA JONES: Oh, my, Godddddd! Do I need to say more?! When she arrived at “America’s Next Top Model” a few years back, everyone was like “yooo!!!” I know all the homies are like, how is she not so, married? I feel you; I’ve already told you, I like em curvy. In my book, she is up for grabs. Don’t forget that this is a fantasy list where you’ve got the paper to throw away, and for some silly reason, Toccara Jones is digging you. I can see it now; you’re flying first class with her, fresh to death, sipping Palm Wine while sitting arm in arm, humming along to a traditional West African song. Okay, stop! This type? You change your lifestyle just to be with her.
If you were to bring her out “arm in arm” I’m sure you’ll make the front page or something.”
6] AMBER ROSE: Forgive me, but this lady is lava! How does she do it with all that junk in her trunk? Or maybe I should say, the treasure in her baggage. Blonde buzz cut, bronze Cape Verdean copper? So!? She was an exotic dancer before the Ludacris video. This half Italian American, half Cape Verdi sweetie is way too abundant. If you were to bring her out “arm in arm” I’m sure you’ll make the front page or something. That’s if Kanye doesn’t stab you. I don’t care if Amber is not the bring home to mommy type. All I care about is if you’re balling like a rap star and if you need a girl to compliment your pimping, Amber Rose should do just fine!
Leighton is an all-American girl, a New Yorker who grew up in Florida. “
5] LEIGHTON MEESTER: Allegedly born in prison, her folks were supposedly traffickers of the “magic dragon?” All you playas with a dark past, who turned your life around and are now praying for a diva to lighten up your scope, Leighton may not judge you. Though she has the body, sources state that she didn’t want to be a model. Instead, she went into acting on shows like “Law & Order,” “7th Heaven,” “CSI Miami,” etc.”
You’ve heard her single, “Good Girls Gone Bad.” She’s also in several movies. Leighton is an all-American girl, a New Yorker who grew up in Florida. C’mon boys, you know your days of being a worthless jerk are not over, but at least you’ll go to hell with a smile on your face if this girl has fantasies of you and her doing it in the bathroom on the plane.
Show up with this one hanging on your arm,
nd you might not leave that place in one piece unless you’re a real playa.”
4] MEGAN FOX: You want her bad! Here’s a tissue son, blow your nose and suck it up. She’s not on my list for nothing. Oh yes, it’s her, “Mikaela Banes” from the first Transformer movie. What can I say? She’s a little on the slim side, but the curves are visible, and her charm is undeniable. Show up with her hanging on your arm, and you might not leave that place in one piece unless you’re a real playa. Don’t want to make it seem like these ladies are superficial but you should know that what Megan Fox would probably consider a fun night won’t be anything close to one of your drunken stupors. You need to bring the machine for this one.
If you don’t know how to send flowers
or can’t get tickets to a ball game or a concert…”
3] LAUREN CONRAD: I can’t stress enough how you’ve got to come more than correct to have and keep women like this on your speed dial. I don’t care if she tells you, “no, don’t worry about the bill,” or if she says, “it’s okay that you dress like a bum.” You can’t bring any of my top picks to live with you, in your mom’s attic, unless that’s where you store your gold bricks.
If you don’t know how to send flowers or can’t get tickets to a ball game or a concert, then you probably won’t make it here. It isn’t about the money, but you have to pay to play. Take her to a beautiful environment to enjoy her time if you think she cares for you. Women appreciate that. So, park the 92 Deville and bring out a 09 Range or better yet, if you’ve got Lauren Conrad calling you down and you’re a real playa, you already know to get her pregnant as soon as possible.
Then again, this is just a fantasy blog so don’t go quoting me.”
2] CIARA: Her substance is brilliant. Look at the skin tone on this hummingbird. If you woke up in your wildest dream and she was on the other side of the bed, naked, that would be insane! I know my playa partners are nodding their heads like “yep, that’s true.” Plus, I’m a music head, so she’s a natural choice. She might give you a break with that 92 Buick. The one with the cloth seats that your uncle gave you. Sure, she just might let you slide if you rolled up in a 94 Mustang with fake rims. I’m not saying you should quote me though.
Money isn’t everything, so yes, you just might have enough charisma to get brilliant women to weep over you. Either way, unless you’re rubbing Haitian mojo and if so, call me asap because I want some. If you’re banging the headboard with a diva of this caliber, you do need to have something worth giving another look. Then again, this is just a fantasy list.
Even Steve Urkel [TV character] won’t
dare bring Tyra over to spend the night at mama’s crib…”
1] TYRA BANKS: Who’s surprised? She might be older and way out of a rookie’s league but shit, if it’s a fantasy list then why not? From her TV Shows, you can tell that this lady knows how to manipulate challenging personalities. I’m not sure if you’re going to impress her with money bags in your aunt’s basement. Even Steve Urkel [TV character] won’t dare bring Tyra to spend the night at his aunt’s crib unless she was on a C-pap machine and it was his turn to watch her.
All I know, in my book, Tyra got wifed and knocked the hell up – with twins! Yes, she has the brain, the background and a body that seems to get sexier every day. I know, if you had her on your arm tonight, you won’t know whether to do the electric slide or the moonwalk. I’ll feed her sliced mango and Jollof rice, Mandingo style! That’s what my number one gets beside never taking her to my mama’s unless it was Thanksgiving and I’d already sold my soul to buy her a ring.*
Okay, okay, let’s end it here. PS. it’s just a fantasy list. PEACE!!!
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Most of these women do not go for good men. Ever heard the saying good boys finish last?
This advise looks like its for men to get their act together.
i can see you want to badly for women to be wiser or their problems to be solved but how can you fill a cup when its already full?
Reading your post and thinking…oh my god, thats right
Hot selection bro.